Today I want to write about this feeling we moms feel pretty often – frustration!!
Whenever I talk to moms – at my daughter’s school or in my neighborhood or in my friend circle or moms those are my relatives – I’ve seen that they always talk about only two topics: a) The proud things about their children & b) Complaints about their struggles in motherhood!!
And I’ve found that the second topic is the most talked topic among moms! No matter how many children you have, the struggles are always the same for every mother ( maybe with a few differences). I’ve noticed that at some point when talking, every mother (including me) sounds really frustrated about these everyday struggles, and every time I find myself resonating with the frustration they feel!!
One more thing I noticed when these moms talk about this frustration they feel, is their guilt about this feeling! They all feel guilty about feeling frustrated!
If you also feel this way then I want to tell you, mamma, there is nothing to feel guilty about your frustration. Cause, this frustration, ladies, is very natural and inevitable due to the structure of today’s SAHM motherhood!!
Yes, I’m saying “today’s” structure of motherhood ( or say parenting) because it has changed a lot for the last few years. This today’s modern motherhood is filled with many expectations, challenges, independency and much more to struggle with. And all these things play a definite roll in the development of frustration in women!
Why do we moms feel so frustrated?
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You know, when I first thought about writing a post on this topic, I imagined writing it in a funny point of view (because sometimes I laugh at my own frustration caused by some stupid reason) and I wanted to give other moms a different angle to look & laugh out at this almost everyday feeling ( you know, there are so many memes on this topic and some of them are really good at making you LOL!)
But when I did some research on this mommy-frustration, I found really good articles that talk about this very feeling that is increasing in moms. And after reading those articles I simply couldn’t look at this frustration as a funny thing anymore!! It’s a dead-serious topic about stay-at-home-parents (yes, including stay-at-home-dads!) about which awareness should be spread in our society!
We moms feel so frustrated because:
- Parenting standards and expectations have risen, while support has dropped.
- Motherhood is all-consuming, yet often inadequate for the job of cultivating the whole sense of self.
- We are bombarded with unrealistic images of what motherhood and womanhood are supposed to look like and feel like.
- We are being spread thinner than ever.
- Our energy is already limited.
- Our needs are rarely considered.
- We have been fed unhealthy messages about independence.
- We rarely feel successful by conventional measures.
and the list goes on…..
And I agree with each and every reason on this list. All these things are surely leading us towards frustration, annoyance, self-doubt, stress, overwhelmedness, and unnecessary feeling of failure/inadequacy in many areas of our life!!
It’s not your fault mamma if you are feeling frustrated. It’s not your inadequacy that’s causing this frustration! You can absolutely blame it on the structure of your everyday life as a SAHM, the monotony of the same tasks you perform every day, again and again, the isolation you feel, the baggage of unrealistic expectation – from our society about an ideal mother & woman- that you carry, your limited energy and the never-ending demands of motherhood!!!
My super awesome ways to feel good when you are a frustrated mom!
In today’s post, I want to assure you that there are ways to deal with this frustration and kick it out of your life and start feeling good again. Though these ways won’t eliminate the frustration from your life, but will surely make you ready to deal with it whenever you’re frustrated!
#1. Talk it out
The best way to get rid of frustration is to talk it out.
Talk to someone – your mom, your sister, your best friend or even a mamma in your neighborhood – talk it out with someone who will listen to you and you will feel good instantly!
Motherhood – especially for stay at home moms – can make you feel really isolated. you need conversations, you need social interaction which you don’t get on a daily basis.
So just reach out and talk, mamma. Vent out your frustration on them and they’ll surely understand you and will definitely listen to you.
#2. Just relax
Do you suddenly start feeling frustrated as you see your kid dumping all his toys on the floor – which you just cleared up for almost 17th time for that day – and making it all messy (again!)!! It happens with me ALL. THE. TIME!!
My daughter loves clean floor, and whenever I clear the floor she’ll immediately turn her bag of toys upside down and dump everything in it on the floor! I just stand there watching her, controlling my annoyance and frustration because I know there is no point in talking anything to her as it won’t help me anyway!!
So I do just one thing – I leave it as it is and I relax!! Yeah!! It helps so much and calms me immediately!
So, mamma, whenever you find yourself in such a situation, just chill!! Leave your kid with his toys and enjoy a cup of tea while relaxing or listen to your favorite music (it always delights my mood) or do whatever makes you feel relaxed and you’ll see the change for yourself.
Because truth to be told, this situation is not everlasting (it may seem so but you also know it’s not ). Your kids will grow up one day and there will be no more mess in your house! And believe me, you’ll miss all this. So tell yourself – “this too shall pass” and relax!!
#3. Write it down
Writing it down always helps.
If you can’t talk to someone and vent it out all, then try writing it all down on a paper or on your laptop or in an app on your mobile!
Just dump all your thoughts, your frustration on that paper and I promise, you’ll instantly feel light!
#4. Watch or read something funny
Nothing can lighten your mood like a good laugh!
So if you find yourself frustrated, then just leave everything at it, or tell your husband to look after your kid, or use that time when your kids take nap in the afternoon and watch or read something funny.
Yes, I said earlier that this frustration is not a funny thing and I am still very serious about this topic but a good laugh from a comedy show or from a good book can always help in lighting your mood and clearing all the dark clouds from your mind.
I even feel OK to go to pinterest and read some memes on this mommy-frustration because I find them so relating to my situation and really funny that they instantly lift my mood up and give me a reason to laugh at the situation!!
#5. Read your favorite book
Reading my favorite book always helps me to escape from reality for some time and indulge myself a little.
If you also love to read books then read your favorite book (whenever you’ll get some free time from your kids). I’m sure you’ll also find it helpful as you’ll follow your favorite character’s journey in that book and lose yourself in your fav. story!
#6. Join a mommy group
Join a mommy group. No one will quite understand your struggle and frustration like another stay-at-home mom.
There are many groups on facebook or maybe in your neighborhood or your town that you can join. These groups provide an understanding environment in which you can talk freely about your frustration and you’ll be understood, encouraged and motivated to keep up from all the other moms. (Just make sure you follow the rules of that group when you post something or interact with other women in that group)
If you don’t find any group in your neighborhood, and if you’re brave enough then create one of your own and invite your friends and moms in the neighborhood to join in. These groups also give you the opportunity to step out of your home and meet up with other moms with a similar mindset and have a good conversation- feeding the need for social interaction!!
#7. Find a purpose!
This one is an absolute game changer!!
I know as a SAHM, you most probably feel really purposeless as all you do is – cook good food, keep everyone and everything clean, clear up the floors, maybe brush your hair, and swing your kid in the garden!!
All these things you do on a daily basis are rarely creative and highly monotonous leaving you to feel absolute purposeless and frustrated!
But here is the thing – you can find a new purpose no matter how busy you are doing what you are doing right now!
Find something new. Maybe a DIY project or maybe an online job which you can do from your home (believe me you can find time for all these things in your busy mommy life if you want to, no matter how little your kid is)
Just find a new purpose for your life. You are doing the most you can do for your children by staying at home with them and you have complete right to do something for yourself while raising your kids! And you can do anything you’re set for – never forget that- it’s our superpower as a woman!
#8. Tidy up your home
This is another great way I try many times when I feel frustrated!
When you feel frustrated, annoyed or even angry about something then channel that energy into something like… say- tidying your home!!
When you use that force for cleaning and tidying up the house, you’ll feel good after completing the task as you’ll witness a clean, tidy home – your home!! That feeling you’ll feel when you’ll see how nice your home is looking – it will completely destroy your frustration you were feeling earlier.
Try it out!
#9. Seek some solitude/meet up with your friends
If you are like me then you love a little solitude – some alone time- which as a mom we never get to experience!! But here is the thing – I also love to meet with my friends and hang out with them for a cup of coffee or a little shopping – which also -as a mom we never get a chance to do!!
If you like both the ways or any one of them is more close to making you feel refreshed then do that whenever the frustration hits you!
Plan your day to carve out some time or tell your husband to look after your kids for an extra couple of hours or ask help from your mom/ mother in law if they live close to you and send your kids to them for some time and seek some solitude in that time (if you need that) or meet with your friends for a cup of coffee (if you prefer it more).
I want to tell you, mamma, there is nothing wrong with asking for help sometimes because you can’t do it all by yourself and you need some time to spend on yourself to refuel you, refresh you!
Don’t think much about anything else and just go for it!
#10. Take a pause & think about it
This one takes no time… well…. with some practice!!
You know, I’ve come to realize that, you simply can’t escape from this frustration because it’s a result of so many unrealistic expectations and -as I’ve said earlier- the structure of SAHM, our culture and our society and you can’t change it at once and for all!
It will change, maybe – that now many women are speaking up and awareness is being spread into the world- but it’ll take a lot of time to reach there and honor and respect the job we SAHMs are doing and the sacrifices we are making for the sake of our children!!
So until the change occurs, we literally have no option but to expect this frustration!! And when you expect something then you tend to make up your mind for that thing and it decreases the intensity of the emotions we feel – in our case – the frustration!!
So I’ll tell you to expect it, mamma, as you can’t really avoid it and then, when the frustration will hit you, just take a pause…. remind yourself that you can’t change the situation, it’s all out of your control, give yourself some grace, and think peacefully about it. You’ll definitely find yourself a little calmed after trying this practice!
So dear mamma, from now on, whenever you’ll feel frustrated, try any of these ways and kill your frustration at once!